your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
