Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
