Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
