Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
