guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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