i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
