Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All the doctor said was why
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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