Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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