your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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