dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
