I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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