yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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