It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
