Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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