He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
