he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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