Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
