i would punch a child for taco bell
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
