I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
