mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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