When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
