Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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