i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
