I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found your dick twin last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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