We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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