As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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