Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
