I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
