this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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