Will you blow on my dice?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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