I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
