I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize