Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
