You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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