I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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