You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
