Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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