and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
