Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
