Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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