dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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