My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She even gives head with a lisp.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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