It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
