your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
