People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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