google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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