Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
