2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
