he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
