why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
