You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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