can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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