yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
