is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
