i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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