"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
