how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
