Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
