the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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