There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
