Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
