Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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