Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
