everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
