Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
