Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize