who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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