I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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