You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
