do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
